Incredulously Strange News Stories

Post by **Brad** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:15 pm

The juice is getting sentenced right now...

DTO Luv · Post by **DTO Luv** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:19 pm

Brad wrote:The juice is getting sentenced right now...

Is that some sort of euphemism?

Post by **Brad** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:24 pm

OJ Simpson.

Its a bit confusing... Min 6, Max 18, parole in 5 years.

Uffda · Post by **Uffda** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:11 pm

Looks like at least 9 yrs

O.J. Simpson was sentenced Friday to at least 15 years in prison for his role in an armed confrontation with sports memorabilia dealers in a Las Vegas hotel in 2007.

He must serve at least nine years before he can be considered for parole.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/12/05/oj. ... index.html

or

The 61-year-old Hall of Famer listened stone-faced, his wrists in shackles, as Judge Jackie Glass pronounced the sentence -- a maximum 33 years behind bars with eligibility for parole after less than a third of that.

Moments before the sentence, which could likely translate to a maximum of 19 years served in prison,

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=3747669

Post by **Brad** » Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:52 am

Uffda wrote:Looks like at least 9 yrs

That was what was weird about the sentence... No one really knew when it was over?

omahastylee459 · Post by **omahastylee459** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 4:19 pm

People are idiots...

Cheeky Vandal is Sentenced

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2 ... d=10508808

The “Butt-Cheek Bandit’’ who defaced windows in Valentine with greasy imprints of his nether parts has been given a 13 1/2-month sentence.

Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott says 35-year-old Thomas Larvie was convicted of eight misdemeanor counts of public indecency and one of disturbing the peace.

Larvie left imprints of his naked behind, and sometimes his groin, on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.

Anyone else think 13 1/2 months is a little extreme for something as dumb as this?

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 4:31 pm

Holy smokes... yea, that's excessive. I'l buy the one count of indecency where they caught him in the act, and any other where they have him on surveillance cameras, and MAYBE even the disturbing the peace charge.

Add them all up and you should be talking about a few hundred dollars fine and/or some community service picking up garbage/cleaning graffiti.

However, I certainly know that I will think twice before I smear my lotion covered genitalia on store windows in the panhandle.

Post by **Brad** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 4:52 pm

Big E wrote:Holy smokes... yea, that's excessive. I'l buy the one count of indecency where they caught him in the act, and any other where they have him on surveillance cameras, and MAYBE even the disturbing the peace charge.

Add them all up and you should be talking about a few hundred dollars fine and/or some community service picking up garbage/cleaning graffiti.

However, I certainly know that I will think twice before I smear my lotion covered genitalia on store windows in the panhandle.

They should make him wash every window in town this winter when its 10 below out. That would teach him too. I think you get less time in Omaha for shooting someone.

ricko · Post by **ricko** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:13 pm

Re: Butt cheek bandit.

What's this world coming to? Doesn't this guy know that the proper ointment for leaving impressions is peanut butter, not vaseline.

Sheesh.

Post by **Brad** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 1:01 pm

I didn't know Plaxico Burress was in town...

Steakhouse shooting called accidental

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2 ... d=10510507

WWW.OMAHA.COM wrote:A man reportedly shot himself in the hand while adjusting the holster inside a downtown restaurant, police said.

About 11:30 a.m., an ambulance was dispatched to Sullivan's Steakhouse, 222 S. 15th St., after receiving a report of an accidental shooting.

The man was taken to Creighton University Medical Center for treatment

omahastylee459 · Post by **omahastylee459** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:59 pm

The butt bandit story was mentioned on Conan last night during his monologue

Stargazer · Post by **Stargazer** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:20 pm

Chalk that up as another concealed carry success story.

DTO Luv · Post by **DTO Luv** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:39 pm

Sullivan's is scary enough to warrant a west Omaha gun?

thenewguy · Post by **thenewguy** » Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:27 am

On the news, they said that 2 brothers got in a fight over a mutual girlfriend last night. In an attempt to live up to buck cherry's "Crazy |expletive|," she jumped in the car and stabbed one of them in the chest.

Good for the upcoming concert.

Post by **Brad** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 2:33 am

Anyone see the shoes thrown at Bush today....

[youtube][/youtube]

Stargazer · Post by **Stargazer** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:13 am

Anyone NOT see the shoes.

I'm sure we're going to be seeing MUCH more of them this week.

thenewguy · Post by **thenewguy** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:31 am

who throws a shoe, honestly?

Coyote · Post by **Coyote** » Thu Dec 18, 2008 4:25 pm

The new internet sensation:

http://www.sockandawe.com/

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:36 pm

Headline currently on front page of CNN.com:

"Woman, 88, yanks nude intruder's testicles"

It's video only. Someone paraphrase for me, please.

DTO Luv · Post by **DTO Luv** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:46 pm

Some naked guy, Michael Dick (real name), went into an 88 year old woman's house and started rubbing himself up against her. The lady said he forced her onto a chair and then she "reached around on him" (real quote) and yanked his balls.

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:37 pm

Incredulously and strangely enough, Hugh Hefner's two teenage sons have an interest in taking over Dad's business:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/01/09/h ... index.html

I know I'm shocked. :D

DTO Luv · Post by **DTO Luv** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:28 pm

Larry Flynt is awesome. If you ever get to read his editorials in Hustler (boobies don't distract me) he has some pretty probing articles.

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:53 pm

DTO Luv wrote:Larry Flynt is awesome. If you ever get to read his editorials in Hustler (boobies don't distract me) he has some pretty probing articles.

Is a probing article anything like a dangling participle?

Coyote · Post by **Coyote** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:53 pm

Speaking of Incredulous news stories:

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:01 pm

Thank you. I have my new Facebook profile pic.

almighty_tuna · Post by **almighty_tuna** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 11:45 am

Post by **Brad** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:21 pm

Big E wrote:

Thank you. I have my new Facebook profile pic.

I'm not sure, your old facebook profile kicked |expletive| too...

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 10:03 pm

Brad wrote:
Big E wrote:

Thank you. I have my new Facebook profile pic.
I'm not sure, your old facebook profile kicked |expletive| too...

Which one? James Brown mugshot or The Double Middle?

Post by **Brad** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 3:18 pm

Big E wrote:Which one? James Brown mugshot or The Double Middle?

Double Middle...

Stargazer · Post by **Stargazer** » Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:11 pm

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2 ... d=10537342

Only strange to me... because I asked my wife what type of restaurant would also sell jewelry (Midwest Grill and Jewelry). Perhaps concerning me more was my wife knowing what 'grillz' were (yeah, I'm sure I'm the last one to know this on this forum as well).

Post by **Brad** » Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:12 pm

Stargazer wrote:http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2 ... d=10537342

Only strange to me... because I asked my wife what type of restaurant would also sell jewelry (Midwest Grill and Jewelry). Perhaps concerning me more was my wife knowing what 'grillz' were (yeah, I'm sure I'm the last one to know this on this forum as well).

I did the same thing... I was thinking Bar and Grill!

UNOstudent · Post by **UNOstudent** » Wed Jan 14, 2009 8:55 pm

[youtube][/youtube]

"I might cause a cold front if I take a deep breath", very fitting for our current temperature.

translated - grill (grillz) is jewelery, jewelery is aka ice, ice is cold.

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:26 pm

Flaming Squirrel To Blame In Jones Wildfire

http://www.koco.com/cnn-news/18530377/detail.html

Insert flaming squirrel jokes here.

DTO Luv · Post by **DTO Luv** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:59 pm

Flaming Squirrel: Just like a regular squirrel but crazier about the nuts.

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 10:36 am

Is That a Bat in Your Pants or Are You Just Happy to See Me? Oh, it is a bat.

http://omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10547907

Police arrested a 26-year-old man at Scheels Sporting Goods on Saturday after a customer saw him putting three baseball bats in his pants.

DTO Luv · Post by **DTO Luv** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 10:45 am

He got to third base with those bats.

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:44 pm

Actually, they got to third base with him.

TitosBuritoBarn · Post by **TitosBuritoBarn** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:37 pm

Nigerian Goat Held By Police, Accused of Armed Car Jacking

It was a shocking sight yesterday as men of the Kwara State Police Command paraded a goat as an armed robbery suspect.

The goat "suspect" is being detained over an alleged attempt to snatch a Mazda car. The mysterious goat, according to the Police Public Relations Officer, Mr. Tunde Mohammed, while briefing bewildered journalists at the Force headquarters, is an armed robber who attempted to snatch the said car, Wednesday night, and later transformed into the goat in a bid to escape arrest.

He explained that men of a vigilance group in Anifowose Ipata/Oloje areas of the state capital had chased two armed robbery suspects who wanted to demobilise the Mazda car with the intention of stealing it, and

"while one of them escaped, the other was about to be apprehended by the team when he turned his back on the wall and turned to this goat. They quickly grabbed the goat and here it is.’’ Mohammed said.

The police spokesman said the goat "armed robbery suspect" will not be left off the hook until investigations into the case are concluded.

He also said that no fewer than five stolen vehicles have been recovered by the state Police Command while some suspects were also arrested. Among those arrested, he said was one Idowu Oni of Araromi area of Akure who escaped from Akure Prison.

He added that the escaped convict was arrested in Ilorin after stealing a Mazda 323 car belonging to Mrs. Henrietta Ayijesu.

He also said another armed robbery and rape suspect was in their custody, assuring that the suspects will soon appear in court.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/27049/42/

Big E · Post by **Big E** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 10:26 pm

How long before this goat's wife sends us all emails telling All Of Us Good Sirs he is political prisoner seeking Asylum to whom US$25,000,000 is withheld in an offshore accounts in our name?

Coyote · Post by **Coyote** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 4:42 pm

Mother Arrested for Buying Kegs for Daughter

KOLN wrote:Lincoln police have arrested a mother for 22 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor after she bought two kegs of beer for her underage daughter and her friends. When officers arrived at 1:30 in the morning, Flood said they found 22 minors ranging in age from 15 to 20 years old and two kegs of beer purchased by Beckner. Flood said all 22 minors received citations for MIP and inmates of a disorderly house. Flood said there was so much alcohol in the home that the breathalyzers used by officers recorded a .03 just from the air.